Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just high enough for therapy.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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