The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
