She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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