It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
