i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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