does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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