Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
