So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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