I love black thongs
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
