I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
