wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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