oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I've blown a few things in my day
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
