Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
