I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
