I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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