Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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