I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
