Can Purell be used as lube?
i would punch a child for taco bell
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
