SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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