my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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