Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
