come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
