fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
