I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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