Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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