Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
