i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
