I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
