honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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