got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
