the day after is always just damage control
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
