I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
