Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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