i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
