Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
