I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
