Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
