the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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