Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
