Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
