He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
These tits shall not be calmed
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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