I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It was confusing and full of hummus
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
