Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We are two peas in an std pod
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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