You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
