I could make wine with my vomit
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
