STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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