We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
