Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
