Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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