apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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