I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
