I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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