Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
sarcasm needs its own font
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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