i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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