why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
