dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
