To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
