There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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