Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
