i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
