Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
