Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
