I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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