Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
