make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
