I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
