also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
