So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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